sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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