Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
