Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
a search helicopter?!
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
