GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
