i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
