# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
