You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
