Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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