I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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