Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You ruined the universe
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
