hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
