I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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