I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
