I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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