I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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