Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
