Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
