You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
