I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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