We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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