I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
