There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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