what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
