I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
