I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
