I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
