Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
