Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
