apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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