No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
