I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
