I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
