I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize