She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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