shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
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