She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
