Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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