so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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