after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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