SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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