I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
