I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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