Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
