What did we do last night that was yellow?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You have to summon your inner elephant
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
