Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Send help, water and tortillas.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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