Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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