Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
