you have to choose: penises or morals?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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