your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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