tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
