I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
