he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
