we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
