her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
